Not Ready to Tell
by ReadingFrenzie
Summary: Nico just got back on the ship and Leo missed him and Nico isn't ready to talk about tartarus;leo not ready to come out to his friends.. Leico,Lico,LeoxNico,Leo/Nico, Fluff,some sort-of plot for HOH and,TRIGGER WARNING:self harm in later chapter-WIP-INCOMPLETE-WONT BE FINISHED EVER-
1. Chapter 1

**Leo:**

His lips pressed up against Nico's and he couldn't help but push him further. Nico has barely been on the ship for more than twenty-four hours, but Leo just couldn't help himself-he was worried crazy and had to keep it all in. You see, they'd been going out since Leo started building the Argo II, and while people knew about Nico being gay, Leo was a bit more cautious about people knowing. Especially so openly. In short, he was horrified of what people would think-Piper and Jason in specific.

He had pictured Piper being perfectly fine with it, after all it was love and she's a daughter of Aphrodite, but Jason was another story. Something about Romans got caught under Leo's skin when it came to this subject .Either way, it didn't change how relieved he was when Nico came out of there alive. He could tell, everyone could, that something down there had broken a part of Nico. In turn, it broke a part of Leo too.

He hoped that he could fix a little bit of it in both of them right now, as they were pressed up against Leo's cabin wall, franticly pulling each other closer, as for neither has had access to the others lips for longer than imagined. Nico wrapped his arms around Leo's neck and Leo slowly made them back up until they fell onto his bed, his grip tight on the son of death's waist. They breathed heavily for a second while they pulled apart, a gaze into each other's eyes that spoke a thousand things. Nico leaned back into Leo and Leo pressed his lips against the pale boy's neck with hunger. The night ended with their cloths on the floor, and whispers of "I love you."

* * *

In the morning Leo woke up with the warmth of Nico in his arms and he couldn't help but let a smile spread across his face-after so long, he finally had him back. Last night there was some mention of telling people, but Leo figured that everyone had more to think about. Like Percy, Annabeth, _the quest_ and really anything else.

Nico stirred in his arms and turned, smiling back at his boyfriend, "Good morning."

Leo pressed a soft kiss to his shoulder before saying, "Morning."

They lay like that for nearly a half an hour, just enjoying each other's warmth and comfort in silence, until Leo had started thinking. He panicked for a second, wondering what time it was and how'd it would look if they both came out from the same room. Nico had noticed the tense chill that spread over him and he ran his fingers through Leo's curly hair, which never seemed to be tamable.

"What's wrong?" He grinned despite himself, "Aren't I the one that has emotional trauma?"

Leo suddenly became serious and rather un-Leo, "That's not funny," he said with almost no tone, "It's serious what happened to you, and I feel horrible." He sighed and nuzzled his face into Nico's bare shoulder, "And then here I am still worrying about people finding out."

Nico reached out to touch his cheek, "Hey, don't worry. I'm sure people will take things just fine. They're still your friends, and you're still the same person."

He nodded, trying to believe in what the man he loved was saying, "Are we going to tell people or…" He trailed off, avoiding Nico's eyes.

Nico shook his head, "No. Not if you don't want to," He continued to run his fingers through Leo's hair, "But if somebody asks, I'm not going to say no and straight out lie."

Leo nodded, and in a whisper he agreed, "Reasonable enough."

"Come on. Let's go get some breakfast…after we get dressed"

* * *

**Nico:**

After everyone ate (and forced Nico to choke down two servings) they all gathered around on deck to decide where to go next.

Piper had pulled out a map and said, "Nico, Leo, come on."

Leo's face was close to flushing white before she had said, "Nico knows where to go and Leo can get us there. So, what's the plan you two?"

Nico spoke up, not trusting Leo to let anything come out of his mouth, "We have to head south-east."

Frank gave him a weird look, "That's the most specific you can get. Honestly."

Leo sighed, as if Frank just rubbed him the wrong way, "The doors move with the place of central, or latest massive deaths. Particualy-" he cut himself short as if noticing he sounded bitter.

Hazel looked confused, "How'd you know _that_?"

Nico sighed, Leo wasn't exactly sharp when it came to-well, anything that wasn't technology.

Leo tried to play it off, "Nico told me." They all looked confused, "Am I not allowed to talk to people?"

Jason decided to get into it too, "No, it's just that-well, you don't even _know_ Nico and all of a sudden-"

Leo cut him off, "Maybe we already talked about where to go and he explained it to me then."

Piper charm-spoke everyone into being peaceful, "Look, it's not important, let's just set course, okay?" She stood up with her (Annabeths & Leo's) maps, "Nico, do you think you can manage to work with Leo and figure out a more specific location."

He just nods.

Leo's knee brushes up against his as if he needed the slight touch to tell Piper, "I already looked some things over. We should be there in about two days and a half."

"What!" Hazel jumps up from her spot of deck, "We_ don't_ have that kind of time!"

Leo stands up to his own defense, "Well it's the best we can do right now! Upgrades have to be made, we're low on fuel, you know-" Leo cut himself short and stormed off.

_What was wrong with him? This is **not** the Leo I know._ Nico thought to himself as he chased after him.


	2. Chapter 2

**Nico:**

He grabbed Leo's wrist right before he could close the cabin door, "_Leo_, what's with you?"

Leo stopped short and turned to face Nico, a long pause where they both stood there, as if things were suddenly fragile between them. After being so solid and honest with each other, neither of them wanted this problem to cause a wedge. With Nico having been in Tartarus, he didn't want to focus on any more problems. He just wanted to get through the ones that haunted him now, and he wasn't sure if that was possible without Leo by his side-he wouldn't lose him over something so stupid.

After another long minute Leo sighed, as if a side of him won over the other, "Do you _really_ want to know?" Nico simply nodded. "Alright...it's just-" Leo swallowed, as if trying to keep his voice from falling apart, his eyes flickering to the ground, "Everything-this quest, you disappearing and coming back so much more _clearly_ broken, but you won't admit it-it's just all getting to me."

Nico wished that he'd go on, but decided to just wrap him into a hug. Leo gripped his back tightly and nuzzled his face into the other boys neck, as if he'd be dead without Nico. He gripped him just as tightly.

Nico hadn't taken much time to think about Tartarus, he just wanted to forget, but maybe, he thought, it'd be a good time to talk about some of it with Leo. Take some of the weight off of his shoulders and share it with the person he trusted most-but would he really want to burden him like that?

He didn't exactly get a lot of time to decide because Piper had come down the stairs, walking in on the couples embrace. She walked towards the two and Leo jumped backwards as if she somehow haven't seen them yet, but she didn't seem to find it odd, or if she did she didn't show it. "Are you okay Leo?" She touched his shoulder, her eyes poured with concern, "What was that up there?"

Leo shook his head, "It was nothing. I'm-I'm fine." He looked towards Nico for help. Yeah, like he could smooth things over now.

He tried anyways, clearing his throat, "Piper aren't you-" she grinned, an action that cut him off.

"Look, don't worry, I won't tell anybody-but I might not have to, you're a bit obvious." Both of the boys blushed, Leo more red than the pale son of hade's.

They both nodded, but Leo broke the silence, suddenly himself, "Maybe you do have something inherited from your mom after all Beauty Queen. Except for the fact that you couldn't tell we were having a rather deep moment." He gestures to Nico and then all around, as if he doesn't know what to do with his hands anymore.

Piper just rolls her eyes and walks out of the room.

"Come on, let's go finish some of that navigation before you leave me for hours on end to spend time with your machines."

Leo let a slight smile tug at him, happy that he had told Nico what he did, "Alright-and just to let you know, you are _way_ better than machines, Death Boy."

* * *

**Leo:**

Later, just after dinner, Leo whent directly back to fiddling around in the engine room. Finding that sphere in the workshop had brought a lot of new technology into the young demigods hands, and he was excited to see what it could do. So far, he hasn't truly gotten anywhere, but he has some very solid plans for some very awesome weapons (if he may say so himself).

As he leaned against the wall, grease covering his arms and part of his face, he felt warm arms fall around his waist. "Hi," a simple word breathed onto the back of his neck that with such a familiar voice that he couldn't stop the grin.

He turned around and leaned in to kiss Nico, but he had backed away, "No way-not until you clean up."

Leo laughed and threw his rag into his tool belt, "Fine, give me ten minutes."

"Sure thing."

* * *

Just a few minutes later they layed on Nico's bunk (a spare room that was rather bare) tangled with each other, "So, are you going to tell me?" Leo mumbled into Nico's hair.

"Tell you what-about Tartarus?"

"Mmm-Hmm. I'm not trying to push it but-you've just been so unlike yourself lately..."

Nico sighed, and breathed in Leo's scent of a campfire and oil, an odd yet comforting scent that brought him to ease, "I know. I don't think I'm ready though, it's hard to just _think_ about it, let alone explain it. Especially to you."

Leo raised an eyebrow, "What does that mean?"

"Just that I care about you so much and I don't want you to be burdened with it too." Nico places a quick kiss on his shoulder before burying himself deeper in Leo's chest.

Leo whispered into his ear, "You know that you can tell me anything."

Nico replied just as softly, "I know."

They layed there for an hour or so until Nico decided that they better not let anyone get suspicious of Leo just disappearing for a while.

Leo left Nico half asleep (his tired voice was extremely sexy by the way) with a kiss on his cheek and covers pulled over him. Leo shivered, already cold without the warmth of his partner.

* * *

**A/N**: sorry this was so short. review are appreciated, this is the first fic ive written in a long time and id love some feedback. btw, if you want, feel free to message/review any suggestions for what new weapons leo should be making for the ship :)


	3. Chapter 3

**Nico:**

_The screams wouldn't stop, even confined, they echoed. Walls closed in tighter and tighter, making it hard for the demigod to breath-but he never seemed to die. Just come closer and closer, but never die. It was torture, and for a long time he wished that he'd just die already. Atleast he knew that there was rest in the underworld. The worst was that he recongized the screams. Those of his sister, Leo, Percy, Annabeth, Hazel-his friends, the people he loved. Not only was he suffocating from the walls, but he was cold. Just so **cold**. Not the kind of cold on a summer day, or an icy water-but bone-chilling cold that you didn't think would ever go away. His energy was fading, he'd surely get the satisfaction of death soon. He had to. And then he had gotten captured, the first seed, the glass-_

Nico woke up gasping, his eyes tearing up but not quite crying. While it felt like he was in a block of ice, he had broken out in sweat, his comforter pulled tight around the cold body that was in reality (had to be) overly warm. He stood, letting the blanket slide off of his shoulders. Black spots filled his vision-he had to sleep with a light on now-and when they faded away he noted the shaking. He had done so much shaking down in Tartarus. All alone with nobody to calm him or keep him warm.

On his wobbly feet, he walked towards the kitchen to get something to drink. He wasn't quite sure if he was warm or cold yet. Once he got a lukewarm cup of tap water, he stood there, shaking more by the minute. Nico chugged it down, hoping it'd help. But it didn't-he kept shaking. Kept feeling like he couldn't breath, kept hearing the ringing crys from his nightmare which was truly a memory. He slid down to his knees, the glass shattering on the ground. He seemed to be deaf as for it didn't make a sound. He sat all the way down, trying to make the ground stop spinning. He sobbed, but again, he couldn't hear himself. Horrified, he gathered his strength to stand up, only to find two arms there helping him.

He took refuge into the persons arms, not even sure who had come to help him. He was put back into his bed, but he had struggled-Nico didn't want to go. The nightmares would only return. In the light of his room he saw with surprise that it was truly Hazel who had helped him up-he expected Leo. He _wanted_ it to be Leo. He wanted nothing more than to cling to him, have his warmth, breath in his scent. Nico buried his face in his pillow, the world still silent to him.

He must've choked out Leo's name, or he came by himself, but seconds later Hazel was in the corner watching him cry sob into his boyfriends chest.

Nico gripped Leo's back tighter than he had earlier today, practically digging his nails into the demigods skin. Not sure how much later, but what seemed like an hour the visions stopped, and the sobbing slowed, leaving a clutching Leo and Nico-plus a Hazel and Jason watching. Leo didn't care. He couldn't bear to see him like this. See him in so much pain.

Leo whispered into Nico's ear-just sweet nothings and I love you's-but it brough him back. But it also made Nico slightly ashamed. One night away from his boyfriend and all these nightmares surged back, making him fall apart.

Nico stared up at him with red eyes, trying his best to ignore Hazel's and Jason's concerned and prying eyes from the doorway. Leo leaned in one last time, "Don't worry. I'll do the explaining, promise. I'll be back in a few-I'm not going to leave again tonight." Nico nodded and turned away, a clear signal for everyone to leave. Nico silently wished him luck.

* * *

**Leo:**

Hazel silently closed the door and Jason looked at Leo, or more so looked through him. Leo had a sudden interest in his shoes, "I guess you want to know what just happened in there, huh?"

They both nodded furiously, but Hazel spoke up, surprisingly soft, "Are you two...you know, Nico's..." Leo just nodded.

Jason looked confused, "What do you mean?"

Leo looked one of his best friends in the eye, "Nico's gay," He swallowed, trying to get the rest out, "And we've been dating since I started building the Argo II...We just-well,_ I_ didn't want anyone to know...I-I was worried about how people would treat me."

Jason's expression was unreadable. Clearly Hazel knew that Nico was gay therefor she just assumed, but Jason was a bit more in dark. "You mean..."

He nodded, "Yeah. I'm sorry-"

"No, don't be. I'm not mad, or going to disown you or anything I just-why'd you keep it from us?" He looked towards Hazel and back to Leo, "Does _anybody_ know other than us?"

"Just Piper. Only because she figured it out-and I made her promise, so don't be mad at her either." Despite how well they seemed to be taking it, Leo's voice still wavered.

Hazel glanced at the two boys, "Whatever. I don't care and I'm tired. Just-Leo, take care of him." He nodded towards her and she walked off.

Jason walked to his room but stopped in the doorway, "Just to let you know I'm fine with it-but you have to tell others. They'll feel hurt if you keep it from them too long."

And Leo knew that he had done exactly that to Jason-he kept it from him for too long.

* * *

Leo slipped into the bunk next to Nico, "Hey. How're you holding up?"

Nico turned around so that had could face the fireuser, "Much better now." He buried himself into his partner, and sighed, "How'd they take it?"

"Better than expected." He shrugged, "Atleast I don't have to do the whole 'we have to talk' approach for them to know."

Nico shook a bit, with laughter or remnants of fear, he couldn't tell. "Let's just go to bed...I'm tired."

"Don't-don't you want to talk about it...your nightmare?" Leo slid his hand up the back of his boyfriends shirt and rubbed the small of his back, and then up and down Nico's spine.

"In the morning. I. just. Want. To. Sleep."

Leo sighed, "Okay." and then he held on tighter, hoping he wouldn't lose Nico. Not just physically, but _who_ Nico is.


	4. Chapter 4

**_A/N:_****This is just a oneshot-doesnt really relate very much to whats happening **_right now_**, but is before-hand, how they got together (so sorry it took so long)**

* * *

**Leo:**

The first time I'd met Nico was under...odd circumstances. I was in the process of building the Argo II, the entire cabin was helping, along with Annabeth, Piper, Jason and any other extra hands we could find. One of those happened to be Nico. It was odd at first, Annabeth introducing the boy, telling me he was an old friend of hers and then taking me to the side and saying, "Be nice." like a mother.

Our relationship grew rapidly to everyone's surprise-we had both been through the same things, well, in a way.

He lost his sister, I lost my mom. He travels aimlessly, nowhere to go, no real home. I've woven through foster care and running away all my life. Not only deep things like that, but stupid best friend trivia things. Like our taste in music or how we both liked a challenge. The first time I'd ever thought about him like _that_, is when I had cracked a joke (as usual) but this time it was a deep laugh that came from him. One of those laughs where nothing else in the world matters, and it had made me so happy that I could do that to someone with just a few sarcastic words. That's when the thought popped in my head that: He's not just a good friend, but _he's beautiful_.

I was taken aback by it to be honest-I'd never had a serious crush on any guys before. Just an odd phase in 6th grade, but that was it. Maybe it was just another phase? That's what I told myself. How wrong was I...

if anyone had ever told me that I'd_ fall in love with Nico_, I'd laugh and call them crazy. Today though, I can't picture a single thing different. While we appeared to just be good friends, we were so much more. Risking harpies at night to visit each other. Using the bunker overnight to have a nice date. At first I didn't know where things were going-we were just really good friends right? Well, on a date in the bunker, a single kiss made things clear.

* * *

Sitting on the blanket next to Nico, I realized that his shoulder was leaned up against mine, his breath almost tickling my neck. It was a strange sense of intimacy that I'd never had with anyone. Some part in the back of my mind just decided that he was this perfect person all around, flaws, pain, broken, and everything else. The smile, the deep talks he could have without-sorry, sidetracked.

Anyways, I turn my head to look at him, our faces are so close that we're practically sharing breath. Nico wasn't turning away yet, that's a good sign.  
We just sat there for a moment, looking at the others eyes, that it almost seemed too long until he closed the gap. It was a short kiss. Nothing awkward. No nose bumping or anything, just a simple peck on the lips, as if Nico was waiting for me to hit him. That was the last thing I wanted to do though.

After initial shock, I leaned back into him and returned the short kiss. I'm pretty sure a stupid grin crossed my face, but that's okay because one fell on his face too. He smiled at me and I let out a shaky laugh, so this is what it's like. I know people say your first kiss isn't a big deal, and trust me, mine wasn't-some stupid dare in grade school-but _this_ one mattered.

It sent an electric buzz through me, and made me want to pull away and pull closer at the same time. It felt flowed and natural, but still felt odd, in a good way though.

* * *

After that, everything fell into place between us. Until he vanished.

He took journey's had things to take care of that I respected when he couldn't tell me, but something was off. It'd been too long. Too long without a visit or even an Iris-message. We'll be leaving on the Argo II tomorrow morning. He wouldn't miss it. Ever.

Back then, sitting in my cabin, I can still remember the panic that I felt. The thought of him just _leaving_ seemed to be worse than if he died. But I quickly shook both of those thoughts out of my head, but they always crept back in as for I had nobody to share them with. No one knew about our relationship then. We were still hiding away, scared of what others would think, and not wanting to rush into coming out if it really_ was_ just a phase.

Now though, laying with Nico in the middle of the night, I can still feel that electric buzz that I got at our first kiss. He shuffles around in his sleep, taking my thoughts back to present time. We've made it through his disappearance, his experience in Tartarus, we'll save Percy, Annabeth, and the camps together too.


	5. Chapter 5

**Nico:**

Waking up in Leo's warmth was one of Nico's favorite things in life right now. After being _so cold_ in last night's paralyzing horror, it felt amazing to be wrapped in his warmth. Ten minutes later after good mornings and a couple of kisses he found himself tangled with Leo, as if clinging to him desperately would fix everything. At the moment it almost seemed like it would. A smooth wave of content finally washed over him.

That was until Leo asked, "Are you going to tell me?" genuine concern filled his voice, which made it impossible to blow off the question.

"It was a memory." he just spat it out, closing his eyes and burying his head into Leo's shirt, "There were screams. Darkness. Cold...just _so cold_." He swallows and pauses. It's the first time he'd ever said anything out loud about Tartarus. "And I couldn't breath. Walls just kept closing in. More screams. Always ones of people I knew, but could never save...then I got captured, and all of that flashed by quickly." Nico looked up into Leo's eyes expecting to find pity, concern, or even sadness. Instead there was a hint of light in his eyes-like he was somehow thrilled that he'd been granted the trust to know.

"Thankyou." Nico just nodded, knowing what he meant. Leo leaned in to kiss him and Nico happily obliged for a couple of minutes until his stomach disagreed and demanded breakfast.

* * *

Leo cut his omelet in half, talking while eating, "We've got to put this on hold for a bit."

Hazel looked at him, "Care to be more specific."

He put down the fork and swallowed, "I_ mean,_ that we have to take a sort of 'pit stop'. The repairs I did didn't hold as well as expected."

Frank looked at him, "What do you mean? I thought they were secure for the trip there at very least."

Leo shrugged, "So did I. And it might be a whole two weeks before I get it in that shape, not including upgrades, maybe even longer because Annabeth is the only other person who half-understands the ship."

Piper puts down her drink with a loud clang, "Well what are we supposed to do until then?"

Leo looked down as if ashamed, like he had let everyone down, "We're fairly close to the camp. If we stop there, we can cut the time in half with my siblings help and-"

Jason decides to step in, "Then we'll go to Camp Half-Blood." he looked around, "Any objections? I mean, not only do we need to fix the ship, but we need to return the statue and check in to make sure the Romans haven't hurt anybody yet."

Piper nods, "The only thing is that we might not have enough time. If we stop there and the war with the Romans becomes serious...will we be able to help _both_ the camp and Percy and Annabeth?"

Nico suddenly takes on a determined look, "We _will_ help them both. _We're not_ loosing anybody."

Everybody goes quiet and Leo walks above deck, assumingly to change their coordinates.

* * *

**Leo:**

The return was grim-news hit hard about Percy and Annabeth. And then there was the ship, and the doors, and-well, let's just say that no one was all that cheery. The Hephaestus cabin examined and touched up a few things on the ship, but nobody could do anything until the thing cooled down overnight. Then there was the issue of Frank and Hazel. While they knew that they were part of the seven, everybody casted them out a place-just genetics from the natural rivarly-right?

Perhaps the only good news so far is that none of the lookouts have run into any trouble, and then, of course, there's the statue. Specifically for the Athena cabin. You could tell that while they we're all concerned deeply for their friends, the camp, and really the whole world,-that statue gave them a small shot of hope. Something that everyone could use.

At the campfire, leave it to Chiron to send out an inspiring speech, although the fire was dark and barely lit, you could see it rise just a _little_ bit more each minute along with everyone's spirits.

"We all here know Annabeth and Percy to be part of our family, even as we have welcomed many more-they've done and lead great things! The least we can do for them is defend out home!"

Very little response came from them, only some nods, but Chiron's voice and words grew,

"Now we can fight the Romans, who which we are trying to work with, or we can be the bigger man and forgive this fued! Athena's pride of this statue has been returned! They took in a member of our family as their own, and most of all-!"

His voice lowered, becoming more somber and serious instead of rallying,

"They are just like us...they're demigods who have been thrown into the mortal world and took refugee in a camp-in a new family...and while they're different, they're also very much the same as us."

"These Roman's are only defending their ground!"

An Are's kid stands up, the fire still dim, but projecting actual light now, "So then let's defend ours!" Roars from the Are's cabin break out, along with a few other unconvinced demigods.

Jason stands up, the fire now at it's normal height, even if the energy in mainly anger, it's energy nevertheless, "No!" He stands beside Chiron, "We're not fighting them!"

"Me and Percy are the common ties between these two camps...and I know that he wouldn't want any blood spilled between them just like me. We should be uniting together against the _real_ enemy! If we fight each other she wins!" He breathes heavily from rage, looking up at Chiron, "Tell them...we've got to work together."

Chiron leaves with one last statement, "The boy is right."

With that the fire dies down and people head off to their cabins-we've all got work to do tomorrow.

* * *

**A/N:**** Sorry this doesn't really have much to do with Leo/Nico, but I felt like it was a good addition to the actual plot.**

**Anyways, reviews are much appreciated and let me know if you have any ideas for new upgrades on the Argo II!**


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: _WARNING_: THIS IS A DARKER CHAPTER THAN THE REST, AND IT DESCRIBES SELF-HARM, IT MAY BE TRIGGERING TO SOME, READ WITH CAUTION IF YOU HAVE A HISTORY WITH IT. I nearly triggered _myself_ writing this, and yes ive had a history with this kind of stuff so it's correct (to me). also, if you don't like, don't read, i know some people really aren't into this kind of stuff. okay, HERE WE GO.**

**Nico**:(first person pov like i did on leo's last _full pov_ chapter)

Things just haven't been going that great for me. Or, really for the whole demigod race in general. I padded over to my cabin, nothing but negative things flying through my head.(_We could never save them. I barely know what I'm doing. What do they expect from me. How're people reacting after they know about me and Leo. I bet they're disgusted. Maybe we won't be so lucky in this war. What if we can't save anything this time._) Sitting in my bunk, all I can think about is what's going to happen. But then I realize that thinking about the future is worthless, there's almost nothing anyone can do about it-afterall there's so many factors in everything that people usually have no control. So I think about the past, which is even worse.

* * *

He kept hearing her voice. But then he'd turn, and she wasn't there. His sister was never there, because he couldn't save her. There were more voices, one's that seemed to get under your skin and file against your bones. He'd never gotten rid of that feeling. Just thinking about it made them come back. And then there was the tar-like ground, that was the worst of all. While he could tell himself that he was just being messed with when he heard the voices, the ground brought on a whole new effect. It took Tartarus out of his mind and threw it into the physical world. It made it real, and that's what scared him the most. The fact that he couldn't just blow it off as some huge nightmare.

* * *

I curled up under my blankets in my bunk. Here at camp, it's harder to sneak around, and even if I did Leo's working. All throughout the night and day-a dedication that's turning into obsession-and slowly eating away at everything inside us as a couple. My nightmares are getting worse and Leo's becoming more sleep-deprived, snapping at anyone and making it hard to bring it up. So I turn to what I used to before I'd fallen in love with him.

My blade.

It's something I haven't touched it since Leo made me promise not to. He had said that I could come talk to him whenever, to just talk before taking these kind of measures. And it had worked, but I have no voice now, I don't trust it. And I can't just walk into the bunker and collapse into his arms, sobbing. So with shaking arms, I grabbed my _one_ blade that I've kept-just in case. I pull off my aviator jacket, staring down at my arms, littered with scars.

The first time I'd taken off my jacket (and shirt) during one of our make-out sessions, Leo gasped, looking at me like he just saw a puppy die."What-did you...y-" I just nodded, my eyes looking down in shame. He had taken me in his arms, whispering to me, making promises and kissing my scars one by one.

Now, I can't help but think of those same promises and how I'm breaking them, just like my skin. It started out light, like my first few times, but I went over the line over and over. From my wrist, vertically down to the crook of my arm. After I finish on one side I go to the other, matching stripes on my arms that bleed out my memories, nightmares, and pain. And it feels so great, so much relief that I can't seem to remember why I stopped.

I can't find any ambrosia to turn the red to scars immediately, so I just pull some bandages over it and decide to take care of it in the morning. It's not like anyone will know-my jacket is always on me, and if it wasn't I doubt that they'd notice anyways.

* * *

I wake up to Leo sitting on my bed, rubbing small circles on my back. I mumble his name and he slides over, fully entrapping me in his arms. While we lay together I settle my head on his chest and the sound of his heartbeat is possibly the most soothing sound I could wake up to. It nearly pulls me back into sleep until Leo asks me, his voice wavering, "Why didn't you just come talk to me?"

I try to get closer to him, find more warmth by tangling our bodies together, breathing in the scent of his workshop. I start to shake again, my ears ring with more screams, it all surges back without warning and I start to sob into him. I feel a couple of his tear fall on me too and I try to say something but it comes out in short chokes, "I just-Want...them to go away." I grip him tighter as if there was any possibility of being closer, which there really isn't, "I can't stand them-I-I'm sorry Leo."

**A/N: okay, im a little nervous about posting this, but i did(clearly) so, please, tell me what you think-i hope you guys like it, reviews much appreciated.**


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N:okay, so i think that were a little overdue for some fluff. and, btw, there was some confusion in the last chapter about where it changes to 3rd person? it was one of nicos memorys from tatarus fyi. okay, here we go my cupcakes.**

**Leo**: How could he be so stupid? He didn't even realize that things were getting worse for him-all Leo was focused on was his damn machines. _"Come on, let's go finish some of that navigation before you leave me for hours on end to spend time with your machines."_ The line came back to his mind while getting Nico cleaned up from last nightd...Did Nico really feel like Leo cared more about his machines than him? If not, were there atleast times of doubt? A small part of his brain said: _Of course there's some doubt. Look at how much time you spend with your little projects-and now you leave him eversince you landed at camp? You really think that you could just chuck him aside for three days and it'd all be alright?_

Nico's voice broke into his thoughts, "You know it's not your fault...it's mine."

They stood in front of each other in the Hade's cabin's bathroom-water still running over both of their arms as Leo tried to help clean him up. He laughed a bit, "How could you tell?"

Nico turned off the water and dried off both of his arms, then handed the rag to his boyfriend, "Because I know that face. You always blame everything on yourself, and it's never your fault..." He came up to Leo and pressed their foreheads together, closing his eyes. Leo watched him talk, "Why does fault even matter anyways? What happens, happened. There's never any changing it-no matter how much you try."

Leo shifted his weight to his right foot and leaned against the wall, closing his eyes and backing away from the son of death, "You can say that-but somehow everything ends up being my fault and it _does_ matter..." He takes a deep breath, his voice wavering, "Because when so many horrible things happen to wonderful people-they want somebody to blame. A face of evil to hate."

Nico places his hand on Leo's cheek, lifting up his chin and making their eyes meet, "_Nobody_ hates you." His voice sounds astonished and strict, "Don't you _ever_ say that people hate you." He wraps Leo into a hug and talks into his ear, "You make so many people happy, including me. The only people who could ever hate you are the enemies, and they're less than people-they're monsters..."

Leo breathes slowly into him, feeling some of the strain from the past couple of days go away. He mumbles into Nico's chest, "I love you."

Nico kisses him on the top of his head, "I love you too. Now come on, you need to clean up and get some sleep-I need to change and eat something, okay."

Somehow a slight smile is pulled out of him, "Okay." he nudges Nico with his shoulder before leaving the cabin.

* * *

**Nico**: After getting himself sorted out he decides to visit Leo in the bunker-Nico still can't remember if the boy had gotten any sleep since they landed at camp. He finds the entire cabin there instead, but he walks up to him anyways. Leo's on the other side with blueprints and a ballpoint pen. Nico takes note that he looks sad when he thinks nobody sees him. He walks up to him and hugs the tinkerer from behind. "Hey."

A small smile plays on both of their faces and Leo turns around, running a hand through his hair with smudges of grease still on his hands. He leans in and Nico stops him-by now they've earned a few looks, "Come on, you know my rules." His eye's say:_No kissing unless you're clean, and no PDA further than hugging or hand-holding. _To be honest, Nico didn't really know where the second one came from. He just felt like anything more would make people uncomfortable. And the first one definitely came from the first time they kissed and Nico had to spend a good half hour cleaning his mouth and jacket free of grease and dirt.

Leo pouts a little bit, "Okay, fine. Give me ten?" He sighs and tries to hide a yawn, "Besides, I could use a little break."

Nico peeked at some of the blueprints while waiting and saw the basic reconstruction of the thing, but laughed to himself at a few of the upgrades. It was totally Leo to want to put a soft-serve machine in the lounge. Nessa, one of Leo's half-sisters, came up to Nico while he was looking at the plans, "What brings you here?"

"Just waiting for Leo." While they were now open about their relationship, they didn't exactly announce it either. The two of them just sort of verified what people asked.

"So, what I hear is true?"

He nods, "Yeah...surprised?"

She seems to take a second, "How long?"

"A little after he got back from his quest."

Nessa chuckles to herself, "Then no-I figured something was up around that time...He seemed too happy."

Now they were both grinning, with a little bit of a blush on Nico's part. Luckily he's saved by said half-brother(now fully clean).

"Hey guys."

Nessa says hi back, something about stealth panels and Nico can't help but notice that she watches them until they leave.

* * *

**Leo**: Being pulled away from working on the ship worried him at first, but right now in the woods, he couldn't care less about the quest. While so many things were happening, it felt good to catch a break and spend some alone time with him. At first they just kissed and tugged on each other, hungry and trying to make up for a day or two. But eventually they lay down near the stream, Nico sitting in Leo's lap with his arms around him.

Leo presses a small kiss to his shoulder, "You know that I'm really sorry for these past few days...it's just that I've been so busy and, well..."

"It's okay...I just wish you would've taken atleast ten minutes, you know, the nightmares...they've just-" He stops short, his voice wavering. Warm tears fall on Leo and he can't help but instictivly hold him tighter. "I know how understanding you are Leo, and I appreciate it-but I could never come _anywhere near_ to describing what it was like..."

He turns to bury his face in Leo's chest, a new habit that he's been noticing, and he just folds around him, letting him cry. That's the thing though; there's been so many tears that it's like he's run out. There's only so many you can shed over one thing he supposes, no matter how much it hurts-sometimes you just can't let it show. And the fact that could be it hurts a little bit-if they couldn't be open with each other, they'd be nowhere.

**A/N: okay, well the ending was a little choppy, but i liked this chapter sooo-reviews as always**_ (im really not sure what to do next ah)_


	8. Chapter 8

_**AN/N:**_**woah, hello there guys,remember me? it's been WAAAAAY too long sine i've updated, hasn't it. anywho, i hope you enjoy (and im a little rusty so give me a break)**

**Leo:**

Over the next five days Leo didn't see much of...anything, well, besides the Argo II. But tonight, laying in his bed back at camp, he was happy to have the simple sight of the ceiling above him. It was in the design of circuits, something familiar to sooth him, but something intricate enough to distract him. He just couldn't fall asleep despite his exhaustion. They were leaving again tomorrow, this time with atleast twenty reinforcements (which forced him to make the Argo II much bigger) A small part of his brain had to have heard the footsteps, but afterall they were much quieter than anyone in the cabin would've been. He heard an all too familiar voice whisper, "Leo." He was shook, "Leo, wake up."

"I never fell asleep." He responded, pulling Nico next to him, welcoming him under the covers. "What's wrong?" Leo asked into his neck.

"Not much...just couldn't fall asleep, that's all."

Leo tugged him closer, although it wasn't really possible, "Just stay here with me then."

"But what if people think tha-" Nico was cut off with a long, sleepy kiss.

"I don't care."

They spent the rest of the night huddled next to each other exchanged soft kisses and muffled laughs-Neither of them were nervous about the next day when they went to bed.

**Nico:**

They woke up to giggles and a couple of shocks on their hands, a hermes-cabin-inspired prank done by Leo's youngest and newest siblings. At first they were both kind of mad, but it ended up with grins and a chase around camp, eventually ending with the breakfast bell. Everything seemed to be almost...normal. That is, until they had to actually leave. There were hugs, goodbyes and goodlucks, but Nico just walked onto the ship. Afterall, his friends were all going with him. He wondered the new cabin area, with four more added on (to accommodate five people each), then there was the dinning area which grew in size too. It didn't feel like the same ship. It didn't feel private anymore-just like camp, he almost felt like he was being watched.

Later when everyone was on and things were going, Nico roamed down to the lounge-but a conversation caught him in the doorway.

"So what do you think of the ship?" One voice asked, it seemed familiar, female for sure.

"Fine, I guess...Your cabin did a great job-I just wish I wasn't the only new camper aboard." The second one was a guy, it was deep and sounded aggressive even if it wasn't meant to be.

The first voice spoke again, supposably from the Hephaestus cabin, "Thanks...and don't worry, I'm sure lots of people will end up liking you, nobody's ever left out-we're a big family you know."

"Yeah...Yeah, I know." There was a bit of shuffling for a second that sounded heavy, he was probably pretty large, "But your one brother Leo, can you just...don't introduce us-I don't like to be around people...like that." _Now_ things concerned him...who did this new guy think who he was?

The girl spoke again, her voice shy, "What do you mean, 'like that'?"

He cleared his throat "Just...him and his boyfriend weird me out, that's all, it's nothing personal."

The girl seemed to be caught off guard like she couldn't believe it...but Nico was used to the judgement, just not when it involved Leo though. "Is it _because_ they're boyfriends?"

He cleared his throat again, "Sort of...but the one with the aviator jacket just looks so depressing-I don't want to be around some emo kid with daddy issues that cuts himself for sympathy."

Nico heard a slap.

By this point he walked away, knowing it was true._ That's all he was, just some stupid kid who can't take anything, so he complains and seeks attention._

He raced to his cabin on deck and dug through his bag, still unpacked on his bunk. He searched and when he remembered that he threw them all away he started to panic, tears brimmed his eyes until he grew angry at himself that he was so weak. _Don't cry over something so stupid, you girl._

He made a fist, fingernails digging into his palm. Nico sat down in a ball, crying. _You shouldn't do it-you promised. He'll see. He'll be disappointed and hate you._

His fist tightened._ But it feels great, it fixes everything. You need it. Do it. He won't care about you anyways_. He lifted up his fist and hit his thighs repeatedly. It just wasn't the same as the bite of a blade. He stood up to find something, anything, sharp that would do. But when he stood his legs felt wobbly and throbbed with pain, atleast the punches finally kicked in.

As he continued his search a knock came at his door. Pipers voice rang through the door, "Nico, we need you on deck for a second."

He locked the door with a click and tried his best to compose his voice. It scared him how strained and angry is sounded, "Not right now Piper. Okay."

"But Leo needs help with th-"

He tighten his fists again, "Then tell him to come here and ask. I can't go on deck right now, okay."

She cleared her throat, understanding something was wrong, "Okay."

**Leo:**

Piper fast-walked up to Leo on deck, as if trying not to attract any attention. As soon as he saw her face he could tell something was wrong. He lowered his voice around the other campers that were helping him, "What's going on?"

"I don't know. He locked himself in his room and he sounded kind of-"

Leo ran.

When he got to Nico's door he pounded on it until it opened. The first thing Nico did was close and lock it again. He leaned up against it and slid down the door, staring at the wall. Leo sat next to him, wrapping himself around the son of death. He whispered to him, "What happened?"

"I-I...one second I felt bad about myself, and the next I was here. Then everything came back. Everything I've ever hated about myself. Every bad thing that's ever happened to me...it all came back." He pulled in a deep breath, only to sob it out, "D-Don't hate me L-Leo...P-Plea-ase." He sniffled "Y-You're all-all I have."

All Leo could do is hold him tighter and try to reassure him with sweet nothings in his ear.

"I could never. I love you, you know that." He ignored the fists that Nico's hands were in. Ignored the scars, the flaws, and the crying and just held him, kissed him until he had calmed.

**A/N:ugh. not too sure 'bout this chp. but i just really needed to put something up bc its been a WHOLE GODDAMED MONTH, so i owed you guys a bit at the very least.**


	9. Chapter 9

_**A/N: woooah, i feel so bad for not updating and i'll try to make this as long and good as i can but-glory, i wish i could just share the idea without having to write it. anyways,enjoy, an im hoping to make a new oneshot soon so watch my page. ALSO, MY PROFILE ON HERE HAS A LINK TO MY LEICO-DEDICATED BLOG ON TUMBLR IF YOU HAVEN'T SEEN IT ALREADY. (i think you guys would like it)**_

**Leo: **

24 hours. Exactly twenty-four hours from right now, 1:32pm , until they reached the doors of death. Leo was getting anxious just like everyone else on the ship. There were all of these questions that only got answered with more. _Will Percy and Annabeth have found their way to the doors by then? Will they be able to close them without losing anybody? If they do need to loose one of the seven, who would it be? Most importantly, Would there be a way to get them out if they became stuck?_His head spun trying to figure out different scenarios. None of them seemed to end happily.

"Hey! Come on, everybody needs some rest for tomorrow, so lights out early!" The satyr announced over all of the non-chattering voices. Everything was dead silent except for orders and a few attempts at small talk. Everyone's mind was filled with what would be and it seemed to leave a dark aura around the entire ship as if the bad thoughts had manifested into the walls and seeped out every time someone passed by. So Leo took refuge in one of his only safe-spots. The engine room. People knew to leave him alone while he worked.

Leo locked the door behind him, sinking down into his desk, blueprints crinkled underneath him. There was no way he was going into his cabin tonight. He didn't want to deal with anything or anyone right now. He was just done. Sick and tired of being sick and tired.

He was good at keeping it together in front of people. He could joke and cheer people up while miserable himself. It was a skill he learned over time. Besides, why spread misery when you can just keep the sweet sensation all for yourself. Leo stood up and sighed, rubbing his hands over his face with stress. It was one of his things that he didn't notice most of the time, like when he bit his lip in concentration while he worked or cracked his knuckles at breakfast-but _only_ if he had sex the night before. But while Leo never noticed, those small things drove Nico crazy, wanting to drag him to bed every time.

Leo's head was so full of thoughts back in the engine room that he thought he'd drown in them.

_Nico's going to be fine-everyone has breakdowns, especially if they've gone through what he has._

_What will we even do when we get to the doors anyways?_

_Who's going to stay behind if someone has to?_

_How many campers will loose their lives in this war after surviving the last?_

Leo overwhelmed himself, trying to just focus on some pieces of metal on his desk. He wasn't even really sure what they went to or if they were important, but he ended up making some sort of lizard that could move it's tail when you wound it up. Leo threw it at the wall.

He could feel it-this was his breaking point. Right before the battle to save the world, great timing Leo.

A soft knock on the door pulled him from his thoughts, "You in there Leo?" it was Nessa.

He composed himself as fast as he could and opened the door, "Yeah, whatja need?"

She pushed past him and closed the door again, "You know the new camper from our cabin?" Leo nods along. His name was Braden and he'd gotten claimed last week-but he was a prodigy at everything camp half-blood, so he went along on the big war trip.

"What about him?"

"We were talking and..." She bit her lip and looked up at Leo, "D-Did you and Nico have a fight or something?" She asked out of nowhere.

Leo sighed, "Look, yeah, everyone's stressed out-just tell me."

Nessa leaned onto the door behind her and said softly, "He doesn't like...you and Nico being..._you and Nico_." She rolled her wrists like it'd help her spit it out, "He's just a dick to put it frank-stay away from him."

"You don't need to protect me-Both me and Nico are pretty prepared for _someone_ to disapprove. We wouldn't have come out if we didn't think we could handle it." Leo started to snap at Nessa like he was angry-but he was just angry at himself, at everything.

She talked back just as sharply, defending herself, "Well last I recall you guys were basically exposed more than coming out-besides, I'm just saying that he has some sort of particular hatred towards both of you. Specifically Nico-he's scared of him."

"Yeah, well, if he ever decides to say anything about it again tell him to talk to me to my face, okay?"

"Fine."

She left the room and slammed the door.

Leo's anger faded quickly, having had fueled it into burning a few blueprints. After he realized what he did, Leo just got sad. Disappointed in himself. He was done. He was going to do whatever it takes to get his friends out of that hell hole and make things right.

**a/n: im such a horrible person for not updating and i have no idea how to end this, but the next chap will be the last**


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